Nothing Exciting Can Be a Good Thing . . .

Emery did SO good at her ultrasound and blood draw! She literally climbed up there and laid still the whole time! It was amazing. I wish every time was that easy! She got two stickers for doing so well. They said everything looks good and we are good until December. Always good news! 

Shayla had parent teacher conferences yesterday. She is doing awesome in school and above goals! She loves school and making friends. It's been an adjustment having her gone all day but its been good for both of us. I'm so proud of her! 

So now for us there is really nothing exciting going on ( which can be a good thing! ) We are excited for the holidays to all come and cooler weather. It's my favorite time of the year! 

I also came across this amazing Christian singer, Lauren Daigle the other day and fell in love with all her songs. More like obsessed! If you haven't had a chance to listen to any of her songs- I highly recommend it!!!! Search her on You Tube and check out: Once and For All, How Can It Be, and O Lord. Those are my favorites!!! 

September Happenings . . .

So remember that part in my last post where I said I was feeling pretty calm about Emerys upcoming scans-? Well sure enough that feeling has passed and I'm back to my usual anxiety feeling! I honestly can say I am not as worried anymore about the results as I am about how she will act while we're there. It's always either REALLY good, or REALLY bad. Last time was bad, time before that was good. Maybe there's a pattern here. Her AFP levels were normal last time so nothing much to watch there except to hope they still are, and her liver cyst has remained unchanged which is also good.  There was a spot on her kidney last time that they said they thought was calcification but we would need to check again this time, so hoping that's still nothing!! Have I mentioned how fast 3 months goes?! Sigh. . . . 

Mops is starting up again at my church and I'm really looking forward to it. I missed the first day on Thursday because me and Em both came down with awful colds and I was super bummed. I love Mops. It literally rejuvenates me and makes me feel a little less alone in this whole parenting thing. 

Last weekend me and Korb spent the night up camping without the kids and it was so nice! Four wheeling, hanging out, watching my dad get his elk! Me and Korb rarely get an overnighter without both kids and man I forgot how nice it is sometimes! Definitely need to do it more! I just love that guy! 

So Until next week- here's to keeping my anxiety low and enjoying all things pumpkin :) 

8 Years . . . .

8 years. I got married literally 3 months out of high school. I know what everyone thought. "They'll never make it". 

To be honest there was a low point where I wondered that same thing. But here we are. 8 years married almost 10 years together, later and I can't imagine being anywhere else. I got married at 18 and while I would never be thrilled about my daughter doing the same thing, there's something to be said about young love. . . and it lasting. We have literally had to grow up together,  1000 mistakes were made. Looking back we have learned more than most people in 8 years. But we also have stuck together through it all. A colicky baby, debt through the roof, school issues, housing issues, work issues. Another baby, health issues. Here we are. I will never sugar coat marriage. Not to my children or anyone. Love is not some magical easy ride. It's the hardest thing ever. But man, I can't imagine a day without my man by my side. I would rather have my worst day with him, than my best day without him. Is he smooth with words? No. Is he romantic? Not so much. But we laugh. We love. And there's something to be said for someone who GETS you. Korb- 8 years and counting. I love you. 

It's September . . .

Well Shayla started first grade! I can't believe it! She goes all day and has really liked it so far. It's crazy having her gone all day! She looked so big and grown up on her first day! 

She also moved up a class in gymnastics. They wanted to move her up to Gold Pre Team. She would go twice a week for 3 hours each time. I have been really torn on it. She has such a natural talent and she likes it, BUT she is only 6 and 3 hours of gymnastics at a time is ALOT after a whole day of school. Not to mention the cost. Sometimes being a parent is so hard. Having to make these decisions for your kids. Long story short, after talking to Shayla we decided to just take a break for a bit. She has so many skills right now she can always pick back up again later. I am so proud of her though, and she is such a good little gymnast!  

I got my wisdom teeth out on Friday! After being TERRIFIED the actual procedure was quick. I just went to my regular dentist. All 4 of my wisdom teeth were completely grown in and straight so it was simple extractions. I didn't even get laughing gas or anything! They just numbed me and pulled them out. Luckily I didn't swell at all and have felt pretty good except for the last two days my jaw has been really sore and I'm tierd of eating pudding and smoothies haha! 

Also- can we talk for a second about the fact that it is September?! Already! I love September! The weather cools down, it's our anniversary, school starts! It's just great! September also means scan time again for Emery! We go in about a week and a half and it's funny how it crept up on me this time! Usually I'm panicking about it for weeks before! After this one- only one more this year! And then we will only have 5 more years left haha!!! 

Change . . .

I read a blog post this morning and it couldnt have been more perfect. I have been wanting to write for awhile but everytime I tried I ended up with a blank screen. I've been thinking alot lately. This sense of unfullfillment. This sense of running a race I can't seem to keep up with. This sense of being surrounded by everything I could ever want and still feeling bored. Why? I love my husband, I love my kids, we have enough money to pay our bills, our families are great, we have everything we need. So where's the problem. I feel uninspired. I feel black and white. I feel like even if I bought a new house, with new furniture and decorated it like a Pinterest house, and if I had enough money to buy designer clothes and shop at fancy stores, that I would still feel like its not enough. And truth is, it wouldn't be.  Not in this world. Not here, where there's always something better, something more. And you know what the truth is, I don't want to buy new furniture for a fancy house. I don't want to spend $60 on shoes for my toddler. I don't want to give a shit about if my living room looks Pinterest worthy. I don't want my kids to think life is about the newest iPhone, coolest clothes, fanciest houses, newest cars, private schools, playing 5 sports. I know the weight of that. I want them to get dirty. I want them to explore. I want them to be inspired by their surroundings. I want them to not notice the clothes, houses. . . stuff. I want them to see a mom and dad who aren't distracted by their phones. Who don't work to support their house and cars. Who aren't scared to let them play outside because they know all their neighbors. I just can't shake the feeling like we're doing it wrong. I feel like we will get to the end of this journey with nothing to show for it but a fancy phone, kids who care more about stuff than experiences and a house that stresses us out trying to pay for it. And for what? For what. I need a change. My kids need a change. How are we going to do it? I have NO idea. But we are. 

Camping and Birthdays . . .

We've been a little busy lately and I haven't had a lot of time to update our blog! We went to Bear Lake for the weekend last week and it was really nice! The girls had so much fun! 

After we got home it was Emery's 2nd birthday! She was really sick the day before her birthday with a high fever, so she wasn't super into her birthday but she still had fun! I can NOT believe she is 2!!! She is talking so much now and wants to be just as big as Shayla! We started potty training her after we got home from Bear Lake because she was showing a lot of signs of being ready. I kind of wanted to hold off a little but thought we would give it a try and just see. She has done so good! We started her off just naked from the waist down and she would go over and go every single time. No accidents! We have now started with just panties on and she's doing great. Hopefully it keeps going well and we can kiss diapers goodbye FOREVER!! 

Shayla goes back to school in 2 weeks! She's starting First Grade! We just found out who her teacher is and hope it will be a good year for her! We are both ready for her to go back!!! I think she is going to love going all day! 

Yesterday we went up to Tibble Fork Reservoir for the day and it was really pretty- until a crazy hail storm started and we had to leave! Not much mountain time but we are hoping to get a little more in this weekend! Me and Shaye are hoping to go up with Korby to where he hunts this weekend and hang out! He won't be hunting so we are going to 4-Wheel and practice shooting the bows and just hanging out! Last year when we went up it poured rain the WHOLE time! So we are crossing our fingers it is nice this year!

Summer is coming to an end and I have to say I am EXCITED! It's almost my favorite time of year!! It just makes me so happy! Hope everyone has had a great summer so far!

His Love Knows No End. . . .

For the last couple of months things have been going pretty great. No major complaints. But for some reason I was finding myself falling into some old habits and on a track that I didn't want to be on. I wish I had a good reason for it. You know some major event to trigger it, or some major stress. Anything. But I didn't.   Poor choices. I was starting to feel like I was falling so far off the path I wanted to be on, that I stopped doing my bible study as much, my prayers were thinning out. After a particularly rough week, I got myself to church yesterdy morning. I sat by myself like usual. After the first song a lady sat down by me and we exchanged a smile. We sang the next song. And then the third song. The song was "Love Knows No End" I was wiping some tears away when I realized she was to. During the whole sermon I remember sitting there with this overwhelming feeling that no matter where I was, had been, or  fallen to. His love knows no end for me. What love is that. Unconditional, forever forgiving, constant. After the sermon our last song was, "From The Inside Out" the first line of this song has been a favorite of mine forever, and couldn't have been more fitting for me yeaterday. "A thousand times I've failed, still your mercy remains and should I stumble again still I'm caught in your grace"  Just perfection. I got up to leave and this lady started talking to me about how much it seemed we both really needed that today. We talked for a bit about the sermon and our struggles and she gave me the biggest hug and we left. I couldn't believe how it was exactly what I needed. I'm amazed how many times things like that happen exactly when I need them. I say I love my church and I do, but what I love more is the peace, comfort, kindness, insight I receive there. I love going into God's word. I love having someone explain it to me in ways that apply to my life. I love that the focus is ALWAYS JESUS. ALWAYS. I am a broken, messy, sinner. Daily. I fail constantly. But my heart continues to strive for Him. And He Continues to remind me- His love knows no end.

It's All Good . . .

We FINALLY finished our playroom! We literally started this project like 3 months ago. When we moved in this playroom and a bathroom were re-done by the previous homeowner- he basically took one big room and split it up into a smaller room and bathroom- and it was done HORRIBLY! The framing is crap- the ceiling was crap- the trim was crap- you get the picture. We completely redid the ceiling ( it wasn't square - horrible texture on ceiling and the guy literally nailed drywall into the vent) , sanded the walls ( they had like lumps of paint on them!! ) added a vent ( yep the room had no heat vent! ) and painted the whole thing! It looks so much better and actually looks like its part of our house now! 

Here's a before of the ceiling: 

And after:

So glad that project is done. Korb did a great job!! Next project is that bathroom!!!! 

It's kind of fun remodeling things and seeing the finished project! Our original hope was to put our house up for sale in the spring and move next summer. And as much as I still wish so much that we could I think our best choice is to stay here for a couple more years. We want our next house to be one we stay in for years, and we want to be able to do it how we want and put what we want into it, and get the area we want! And our best bet to accomplish all that is to wait about 3-4 years until Em starts school and I can go back to work! One thing I'm learning is how sometimes we have to make the best of our situation and choices. Do I wish the schools were better out here? For sure! Do I wish I lived much closer to my church? Absolutely. Do I wish my house was brand new and fancy? All the time. But it will come. So for now I'm going to make the best of it and remodel our house slowly to make it more how I want, I'll keep making the drive to my church because I LOVE it, and I will remind myself that I will miss this house and this place when we leave. As Shayla always says to me. . Mom, "Its all good!"

 

Plus they seem pretty happy here!!! :)

Ten Things . . . .

Ten Things I'll Miss About Emery:

- How she says the word "yeah"

- Her face when you tell her to close her eyes, and open them 

- Her climbing in my lap and cuddling

- Her needing her "babke" ( blankie ) everywhere.

- How she jumps on the tramp and falls on her bum- cutest ever

- How we give kisses, eskimos,butterflies and loves

- Watching her walk upstairs with her blankie and sippy to go "nigh nigh"

- How much she loves Frozen and listening to her sing

- Her little hugs

- How she still misses me when I leave

Ten Things I'll Miss About Shayla

- Her excitement about losing teeth, Santa, and the Easter Bunny

- Her innocence

- How sweet she is when she knows someone is hurting or sad

- Listening to her learn to read and sound out words

- Her waking up at night and wanting to lay with me

- Watching her be independant and not need me as much

- Her yelling Mommy! When she sees me after a long time apart.

- Watching her dance around the living room, and stand on her head everywhere!

- Listening to her play with her toys- the conversations she makes up

- Her positive outlook on life and how simple it appears through her eyes.

Birthdays and a Reminder . .

Shayla turned 6 last week and we had a fun birthday party with her friends and then went to the zoo on her actual birthday. It was really fun and I can't believe my baby is 6!!!!! We are doing much better than a few weeks ago and getting along better and we have a good system down of her earning some money  which she is all about lately! 

This past weekend we went on a little boating trip to Yuba with Korbs family and some friends. It was fun even through the sand and wind! Shayla loves going out and playing in the sand and going on the boat! Emery loved it too, and even though she had a hard time sleeping and we all came home sore, tierd, and ornery- we had FUN! Well we were gone I didn't check my phone at all really except for once on Saturday, and when I did I got some horrible news that a friend of mine from my Mops group at church, had just lost her 2 year old daughter suddenly. It is heartbreaking. I just ache for her and their family and friends. It was such a reminder of how life is never guaranteed and again how much more present and relaxed I need to be with my kiddos and everyone I love in general. I pray my friends find some comfort and peace in such a difficult time. 

Go hug your littles tight today and be present! 

June Scan DONE! . . .

We went for Emerys scans on Monday. The day started out early- and she was already fussy and cranky. I knew this appointment was not going to go as smooth as our last one did! I was right! She was so unhappy the whole time. Our tech did the ultrasound and then the radiologist came in to review it with us. He said her liver cyst seems unchanged which is good, and then spent alot of time looking at her right kidney. He then asked us to re-scan her kidneys so he could get more pictures. So back on the table she goes- more upset now then before because she thought she was done haha- poor girl! After a few minutes he came to the conclusion that it looks like a spot/area of calcification on her kidney, but that we will watch it closely. Kind of weird. But we will just watch it and I'm sure it will all be fine. Then we head over to get the blood drawn and as usual she was SUPER ticked. I feel bad because I always make Korb take her in and hold her, it's just to hard for me I hate it! Poor guy. It doesn't take long at all but it's a pretty miserable couple minutes! We got the results today and they were back down so that's good news! All done until September! 

Since Shayla has been out of school we have had a really time with each other. I wish I could say we've just had all this fun and loved spending time together, but no. We are SO much alike and we just clash so much. It's a power struggle constantly, and she has always been a highly sensitive child to EVERYTHING. She doesn't handle change well. ( hell neither do I! ) She needs constant attention and entertainment and i cant provide that all day long! We have spent most of our days with arguing, getting in trouble, and lots of tears and frustration on both sides. I'm trying to figure out a way to work on this and hope to make some progress SOON. I end most of my days feeling like a big fat failure momma and I'm sure she feels equally crappy. I love her more than anything we just need to figure out a way to manage all this! It's been a stressful couple of weeks! We have her birthday party on Saturday and I know she's really excited! And then next week we are going boating at Yuba for the weekend! Plenty to keep her busy there :) 

Hope all my friends are having a great summer and life is good for you all! 

Content . . .

Man, lately I have just been loving life. I feel like things are just . . good right now. Of course not everything is wonderful but the things that really seem to matter right now are! I'm absolutely loving the age Emery is right now. She's talking more and it's just freaking cute. Shayla is doing awesome in gymnastics and school and she's starting to act so much older especially in little sayings she has. Cracks me up! Me and Korby are awesome and having fun and things just seem easy with us right now ( for those who are married I'm sure you know this is not always the case haha ) Our house is good ( even if I'm not thrilled with the location ) our finances seem ok for now and we have a little extra "spending" money! Again- not always something we have had. I just feel content right now- and I am soaking it in!!!

We went to Lagoon last weekend and had so much fun! I forgot how fun it is there! We have gone to Wheeler Farm, and Tracy Aviary to and I love how cheap they are! Keeping Shayla busy has been hard. She has always needed CONSTANT entertainment and attention- the kid can NOT entertain herself haha. But we're working on it! Plus soon enough she will be in school all day and I know I will miss her! Also she lost both of her bottom teeth in the last two weeks!! So fun for her! We're going to some splash pads this next week and its Shaylas birthday party next Saturday! She is super excited! 

Emery is going on Monday for her scans and blood work! SO glad to get that out of the way until September!!!! Hallelujah! 

So I'm going to keep enjoying this content feeling and the goodness of this moment in time!!! You never know how long those periods of time will last :) 

June and Scanxiety #2. . . .

It's June! Holy crap! Wasn't it just Christmas?! Shaye is officially counting down the days until her birthday party! She's having a beach party! It's so NICE that both my girls have summer birthdays!! 

Also since its June- that means its scan time AGAIN! I'm telling you three months flies by. We have about 9 days until her appointment! Like usual this is about the time I get serious anxiety and really the days leading up to scans I try to stay busy to keep my mind busy- unfortunately this week I have pretty much NOTHING going on. Her last scan came back clear ( other than the radiologist spending a LONG time looking at her right kidney and asking the tech for measurements again and again - talk about nerve racking! ) her AFP blood test came back elevated from the last one so basically we need to see the number back on the downward trend this time. If its increased again or jumped up alot at all, that means a yucky MRI. I am sure it will all be fine and then we can put it all behind us again until September! Keep her in your thoughts and prayers please! 

Limitless Life . . . .

I'm doing an online bible study right now through Proverbs 31 Ministries. We are reading Limitless Life by Derwin Gray. So far I'm really liking it. It's about removing old labels we have either from ourselves or others and replacing them with the labels God has for us. I have alot of negative labels for myself that come to mind quickly as I'm sure alot of us do, but coming up with positive labels or even imaging the labels God has for me is much harder. Online bible studies are pretty awesome and an easy way to dive into these types of books and topics. If your interested you can check out the link to Proverbs 31 Ministeries on the left hand side. The next study is called: Am I Messing Up My Kids? Hahahha def something I have wondered more than a few times. 

Lately I have been feeling like I want to surround my self with more positive and uplifting people who share the same views and outlooks that I do on things but am finding it hard to do so for some reason without coming across as annoying! It's a little hard to just invite yourself!! Plus how weird. So I am really hoping and praying for more opportunities to come up where I can do this. Here's hoping!!!!! 

We're Back. . . .

I have not posted in FOREVER! Long story short I was trying to re-vamp the blog and in doing so deleted EVERYTHING! After that, the thought of setting it all back up again just didn't sound appealing so I have put it off big time! So not much is super new! We have been BUSY! We have been working in the yard ( my garden is finally in! Wahoo! ) and hiking, and parties, and Shaye's Kindergarten graduation! I feel like it has been a really busy month!

We went and hiked Bell Canyon a couple weeks ago, and then Stewart Falls yesterday! Both are 4 miles round trip, but Bell Canyon was a lot harder! Both have awesome waterfalls and pretty trails though! We've really been enjoying hiking this spring/summer already! We definitely have more hikes planned and can't wait!!!

Shaye got Pink Eye and a horrible cough last week and was pretty sick! She was so worried she would miss her graduation but she ended up being ok! Her Kindergarten graduation on Friday! It was so cute! They sang songs, and poems, and got their Reading Medals for the year! Shaye got a Gold Medal for getting all of her reading minutes! Tomorrow is her LAST day of  Kindergarten! Seriously! I can not handle it!

Shayla also had her evaluation at gymnastics two weeks ago, and they moved her up to the Silver Pre Comp Team. Once she moves up to the Gold Pre Comp team, she has the opportunity to get pulled to the Competition team which is what she is hoping for! She starts her new class tonight! Still going twice a week but her classes are now an hour and a half!

I am so excited for June to get her because we have a lot of fun things going on! Lagoon, Shaye's Birthday and Party, Father's Day, and a Yuba trip! It's gonna be good!